Where it all began…

I wish this was a short story, or one with some type of miraculous twist, but that does not seem to be how God has worked in my life. For many years, I had a (self-inflicted) calling to “do more”, “be more” and “chase more”. There are many accomplishments I am proud of but nothing every felt long-lasting. I found myself unable to stay on any creative path I had set myself to pursuing and failed many times on a dozen ideas. I can see now that my goals and intentions were completely disordered, which is what led me to fail. Hard. Every time.

After many years of scribbling, highlighting, and journaling my thoughts to God, begging for direction, there was a strong tug on my heart to create prayer journals. I wanted something made by my own hands. Something that was not perfectly bound, perhaps even a little tattered, because that is real life – right? Unbound, tattered, and perfectly imperfect. I would never consider myself a creative person when it comes to art or crafts but prayer journals seemed possible. I also felt inspired to share prayer journaling with others around me and how these intimate conversations with God were changing me.

On January 18, 2020, I awoke with the idea for cross + paper. A place where faith and paper collide. A place where the calling God was placing on my heart might come to life. A quick search of the internet confirmed that the domain name and social media pages were available. I immediately purchased the domain, secured the social media pages and hired a graphic designer who worked tirelessly to create the below original logo.

Enter the pandemic, and years of “putting it all on the shelf”. My creativity came to a screeching halt and this horrible need to control everything in life took over. I bought a dozen different planners, implemented systems, organized, decluttered, time-blocked, and obsessed over keeping life “in order”.

The obsession to keep things orderly led me to a video in July of 2021 on You Tube entitled “Off Grid August”. The idea was to take one entire month off from the internet. No social media, no Google searching, no You Tube…nothing. I was exhausted from a year and a half of “this world” so the timing could not have been better. I didn’t hesitate. I was craving silence and the challenge was something I was up for.

One month off the internet turned into 15 months “off grid” and it was nothing short of a gift from God.

God does not change. He lives in the silence, waiting patiently for time with us. For us to return. In the silence there is no competition for our attention. He speaks, we hear. It really is that simple. And it was in this 15 months of silence that I was able to reorder life according to His will, not mine.

The next couple of years were filled with the challenge of navigating “fire hydrant” style inspiration. In addition to prayer journals, I suddenly had ideas for home decor, jewelry, clothing and gift items. I wanted to manufacture handmade goods and had no experience with sourcing, purchasing, or designing. I discovered resources for buying beautiful goods crafted by others so that too became a possibility. Suddenly the “call” was so clear.

I just want to share beautiful things, inspired by the word of God, with the world.

I just want to share the oldest love story ever told with anyone who will listen.

I just want to spend my life in service to my creator, loving others as I have been loved.

It took four years from that very first whisper to launching this website. Four years to really grasp the idea that God does not change, we do. Four years to truly fall in love with Jesus and four years to learn how to listen to the Holy Spirit. Four years to truly return.

All in His time, never again in mine.

Catina Marie